CluelessClue

2006-12-02T14:23:00.000+08:00

i have moved to [http://mypossessedsacredfigure.blogspot.com/]
Sorry for the inconvenience.

2006-11-14T18:45:00.000+08:00

azhar's sixth confession:
the last chapter of his confessions.
my final confession is my first.
and the final confession shall end this blog.

[the final post..blog closing on 3rd Dec]

azhar's first confession(as posted on 3/01/2006).
azhar's final confession.
your vote.
something about my friends(find your name).
his quotes (some altered by frens/family).

"love is like a firesparkler. when lit it will create happy faces; and many smiles. when u place another firesparkler to the lit one, the sparks will spread and the other firesparkler will lit too. just like how love could spread among friends, family members and others.but this love will not last. soon the sparks that lit the night will die. faces will turn gloomy. darkness will conquer the night again. just like love; when a heart breaks, depression takes the advantage. and then the children lit more new firesparklers. like firesparklers, new love can be found or perhaps tarnished love can be revived. but then, the children suddenly stop. no more joy and laughter.they could not lit any more firesparklers. the lighter or match has died. their loved one died. " - azhar

CONFESSIONS OF AZHAR [first chapter]....(as posted on 3/01/2006)

My Beloved Brother

hi frens,

I have a brother..his name is Mohammad Hazly Bin Aziz.... He is mentally challenged...that he is suffering epilepsy... he got this disease when he was abt 2 yrs old as my parents can't afford to get a doctor when he got a VERY high fever... the 'kampong' doctor (or 'bidan' in malay) failed to cure the high fever and he got EPILEPSY and some FEATS....he can't eat by himself,too.. sadness right.... but i loved him a lot.... love him more than anythin'....more than my life....he got me spirited whenever i'm down... sometimes he makes me laugh(he's cute..hehe)... by the way some of my frens know about my brother but some don't... to be fair i think i should tell everyone about him...because they are my frens too.... anyway i have to work hard and study well for him and my family... i am gonna be the breadwinner sooner or later... i love my family and i will not bring them down... frens, don't pity me....i'm enjoyin' my life despite this because i know he wnts me to enjoy my life...my brother would never want me to suffer because of him...

sometimes i hope his normal....has a girlfren or married....ehem...or maybe workin' and givin' me some of the money..hehe..but God has made my brother's fate... i hope he will be healthy alwayz and cheerful too... because his my life...i dunno if i can survive without him...i'm about to CRY now by the way...

Love,

Azhar

"i can't live three days without food...

i can't live two days without water...

but i can't live even one minute without thinking of my brother" - azhar

CONFESSIONS OF AZHAR [finale chapter] ...

the night on this week.

it happened at night. i woke up from my slumber out of a sudden. i heard someone moaning. i am not sure what word to describe it. i was still in a daze but finally regained consciousness. there was no time. no clock. and it was dark. i looked to the right and saw mmy brother. he was acting strange. he was heving his feats. but this time it was different. very different. the feats were short and sudden.

disturbing images starts to filfth my mind. and i was confused. my face was twisted and nerves cramped with total confusion. soon i started to panic. i whisk my blanket away. coldness now starts to subdue my body. i went up to my brother. he tried to stand and fell down. his head hit hard near the edge of our wardrobe. he screamed in pain. no longer moaning. screaming hard. i realized i was the only one there.

"i don't write for sympathy. i write because this is the only place i can express myself and let everything out. i can't hold back my feelings. i just can't" - azhar

but i didn't know what to do. i didn't want to disturb my parents. they're old and need more rest than i do. furthermore, as the sole son, i must be independent. i held my brother's shoulders tight and refrained him from standing up. now he was crying. and his tears made mine jealous. my eyes soon get strained trying to hold my tears back. i looked at him again. my mind was playing tricks with me. there was no tears. he can't cry. he can't feel sad. afterall, he's special.

i wanted to check the time. but decided not to. if i leave him for even 5 seconds, he might stand up and his feats might murder him. i held him tight. i couldn't remember if tears do really flow down my cheeks. it was so dark; so much so that i could only see my brother's innocent eyes and white towel around his neck. i switched off the fan. somehow i thought maybe my brother couldn't stand the coldness. it looked like it was working. but i was wrong. very wrong. his feats started to attack him again.

then, a gush of wind made my curtains "move" after being motionless during this time. light shone through my brother's forehead and i saw blood. i did not panic. i was trained not to panic. my dad has thought me to be a man. and i should not fear blood. i did not wipe the blood away. 2 reasons: my brother has always love to scratch his forehead and it seldom bled; dry blood that is. another reason was i was more careful not to let him stand hum and held his body down.

time passed and soon he stopped. he was laughing. it shocked him. then common sense invaded my mind; he was a special one. seconds passed. or perhaps minutes. i said some prayers into his ears and prayed that GOD would help me. or perhaps, us. as if a miracle struck as, he soon went asleep. i looked down at him as i put his head onto his pillow. i did not switch on the fan. juz wanna make him feel warm. it's ok if it's too hot for me. what's important is my brother.

"to my dearest cousin, suhaila. stop visiting him almost every single week. he's already dead. i know u love him a lot. and that losing him is losing half or ur soul. but i tink ur actually hurting urself. u have to work and take care of ur brother and family. the accident happened a day or two days before my birthday. it was a shocking news i know. after that day, u asked me to download a song he liked. u listen to it almost every second of ur life. i have never been in any relationship, therefore, shall not say i understand how u feel. but deep down my heart. ur still my cousin and i care for u. " - azhar

i kiss his forehead whenever i go to school.
i kiss his forehead more before i go for exams.
i think of him when i get my success.
i think of him when i am all alone with my frens.
i miss him whenever he has to attend check-ups.
i miss him whenever i am sick.
i can't cry now.
my eyes too tired.
but my heart isn't.
inside it says...
i promise to take care of you until ur last breath.

i have always told my frens that i wanted to marry a beautiful girl and have kids.
i have told them the girl must ne beautiful outside and especially inside.
today you know why.
she must be as strong as my mum.
mentally and perhaps physically.
so that she can take care of my brother.
think of this:
who will?
that's why i've always neglect love.
whenever it comes, it dies.

i can't live without my frens too.
without them, my ife is meaningless.
i have let down many to.
those frens know hu they are.
i am trully sorry.
but i know sorry seems simple after how much i might have let u guyz down.
and that's why hating frens is like breaking a glass vase into pieces.
the broken marks will still be there once even glued together.
i just wanna say this.
u can find millions more frens better than me.
but i can find only one great fren of each of u.
forgive me.
4E5
Modern Dance
Prefects

your vote.

u can click more than one choice at a time

The loved ones i'll never forget:
[not in order]
{as of ppl who has visited my blog}
-i'm sorry if i forgot ur name-

"do me a favour..smile when u see ur name" - azhar

megat: he's funny in a weird way...u might see us as close friends..but we have many difference..taht is only in terms of entertainment...eg. i think beyonce is great..but he insists mariah carey is the best...ur one of the best
razin: great friend with many creative ideas..he's gonna come up with great ideas and projects after "O" levels...had fun playing pranks with him...i believe he can be one of the best bassist...u inject humour to my life
jasmine: the girl who can speak in many accents...wheneverr she chats with me..she would sometimes say "joking..joking.."..i know when she's joking and when she's serious already... i envy ur passion
faris: the guy who has become trim and fit...in love with one of my friends....never fails to keep trying...passionate in playing clarinet...try again my fren
hidayah: the girl whom i tried to trick with the "adopted child" plot...not very talkative but surprises me when she laughs...loud laugh she has...also my assistant inteviewer for Uma...ur an independent girl
iwani: the girl who says "huh?" the most to me in msn.. a reliable person...gets stressed up easily...she is the leader for Modern Dance and has done a tremendous job..thank u girl...
dan: the guy who is funny, talented and treasures his friends and whom i have let down twice...i will miss his catwalk...and his jokes too...u can go far because u have an interesting personality
faiz: the guy who loves to say "it's like watching porn all over again".. a responsible chairman of 4e5...good ncc cadet with great qualities...fun friend to talk to... ur a good speaker who takes care of ur frens well
fauzana: the girl who deserved to be called "pinkie lady" by me...great experience working with her...easily the girl i trust most..ur the girl i trust most...
liyana: the girl whom i always disturb as "monkey"..other than that she's actually a nice girl....very talkative...but i like to see her talk as she is bubbly...ur presence and antics makes me smile
siti: the isolated girl from my treasure of friends until we chat in msn...shows great understanding and care to the stories i shared...undoubtly the most emoest person i have ever met...ur a good listener
sammy: i got to know hazim from him...and i talk nonsense about hazim for him...a great guy with funny antics...made the wildest promise to God...go ask him...loves to bboy...ur one of the most unusual frens which i am proud to get
aloysius: the quailan master...but his presence creates the atmosphere among my friends...he loves to say, "oh really?" of "good game!"....it may seem rude...but to me he has talent in speech...u have a good future ahead..
desmond: the guy with a nice hairstyle..always ask me to spike hair..i won't..this guy has a good personality...i believe a lot of girls might be interested in him...all the best desmond..smile always...ur someone with the attitude that is different from others..ur unique...
janna marican: another emo-girl...her creativity is one of the best...good dancer with a strong passion towards the art...ur very creative
samantha: strong girl..one of the phat mamas....my favourite dancer..when she moves her body..my eyes will not move anywhere except at her body...ur someone who can be the next big thing
prem: professional guy...jokes never stops flowing...will be one of the best drummer...has many "foundations" in his hands...great leader..u know how to balance ur life...
hamidah: this girl has helped me tonnes in the dance camp 2006..she has got great managaerial skills....i depend on her experience as a leader in the prefectorial board...she is a good actress who never fails to challenge herself to do more...ur a great person with a great future ahead...
jessica: her english is almost perfect...her vocab is wide...love to write stories with her...had fun doing IQ quiz with her and the rest...ur a fantastic writer who writes with flavour
poh lian: the cutest girl in class to me...her voice is cute...the she said "Goodbye Azhar!" always make me smile...she remind me of two names, Mary" and "Lamb"...ur funny actions and speech are memorable to me...
christine: a nice girl...as simpe as that...ur qualities are somehow vague but ur well talented in art
rusydi: will be one of the best bboy....great person to talk to...ur someone i can fall back on..

his quotes.

some are altered by frens/family.
not all quotes from the previous posts or confessions are included.

"i don't like wild girls. wild girls are girls with no self-respect." - azhar
"days are passing by fast. very fast." - azhar
"dance has change me from a nobody into a somebody." - azhar
"falling in love is like falling into a deep hole; a hole of paradise." - azhar
"one of the greatest thing that i want to do now is to fall in love to the most sweetest girl ever." - azhar
" to be different is one of my many goals in life." - azhar
"i make mistakes; please tell me if i'm wrong; tell me if i turned arrogant; tell me if i turned bad; please.." - azhar
"dance has changed me from a nobody into a somebody" - azhar
"love is never a choice; it is fated" - azhar
"my luv is bizarre; not suicide or true" - azhar
"i dance for passion. not fame" - azhar , with alterations by DJ Danny

2006-11-13T15:56:00.000+08:00

azhar's fifth confession
part two

future.

"i am Poly-substance" - azhar

i have made my mind. i am going to Poly no matter what happens. below are the details of the Poly and Course that i will take:

Institution: Temasek Polytechnic
Course: Diploma in Leisure and Resort Management
for more details, click http://www.tp.edu.sg/courses/pbresort.htm

this is my plan:
2007 - 2010 : complete diploma
2011 - 2013 : further studies/work
2013 onwards: use diploma and experience and work in the new
Integrated Resort.

my aims for "O" levels:
i let GOD decide.

other interests:
be a good dancer
produce one song

done

2006-11-08T21:17:00.000+08:00

my song written finished
title : tortured by your love
length: approx 4 min
singer: volunteers?
intrumentation: volunteers?
Please plug in ue ear-piece to hear
and comment (on song; not singing)!

i pray for your returning
i wish i had you here
feel those tears thats starts redying
i can't live without your signs

why now and not just later
why do you have to steal my heart
six months six days i've been waiting
and now u said u want to move on

[chorus]
u tortured me with love
u never fail to make me swirl
i have never seen u smile
those words are mere goodbye

i have never made u cry
and that's what u've done
how could u
how could u

2006-11-02T00:41:00.000+08:00

azhar's fifth confession:
part one
what my mum think of me really

"azhar is a hypocrite" - rohana, azhar's mum

yeah..my mum calls me a hyprocrite just recently. reason is because i pray but i still practise dance after/before praying at home. she believes dance, or in this case hip-hop, is a negative influence towards me. won't blame her. she herself is influenced by the media and the things she saw in the television. things like male dancers getting too close too female dancers, scared that i might be forget study, etc. furthermore, i also pray at home. to her, it seems contradicting. nevertheless, i am not and will never cheat myself and my passion. sorry mum.

2006-10-29T13:20:00.000+08:00

The song ,"ABC" sung by my cousins.
during hari raya visit..
enjoy.
ahhaah

my cuz(mum's side) ainah and hafi/ haziq(he has a twin..i'm confused?)...
ainah is the future best dancer...

ainah again now wanting to be best singer....

2006-10-29T13:14:00.000+08:00

faseha( not sure spelling?)

rafean and hafi or haziq..can't remember..he has a twin brother....ahah

2006-10-29T00:40:00.000+08:00

azhar and rafean(not sure spelling..)

azhar and kakak yaya

2006-10-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

azhar's fourth confession:
part 2

BACKSTABBERS.

[I'M SORRY IF THIS POST HAS BROKE THE HEART OF BACKSTABBERS..
THIS IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WAD U HAVE DONE!]

such a long word eh????!!!!!!!!!
perhaps no one has written much about backstabbers in ther blogs, etc.
well, sometimes bravery plays a part.
especially in this "gruesome" topic.
Backstabbers.
am i a backstabber?
u decide.

think.
why do idiotic friends backstab each other?
are they even called friends?
to me they are called filthy demons.
idiotic filthy demons.
who talk back behind their true friends.
HUMANS WITH NO BALLS!!!!

have i ever been backstabbed?
no.
i have never been.
but i am still careful cause i know that friends are also humans.
some freinds could be backstabbers when u thought he/she was not.
they have their own moronic brains.
with thousands of devils around them.
telling them to backstab their good friends.
WOW??
WOW ur HEAD!!!

what do backstabbers get in return?
a full disrespectful treatment from me.
BUT.
i intend not to do so.
i shall forgive them.
and play around with them.
and show them who is wiser.
i am not the kind of person who will retaliate.
BUT.
i will just play around.
JUST.

how to recognise backstabbers?
in my opinion it's difficult.
for a simple reason.
they're talking behind our back.
so this is when ur other true friends come into place.
these true friends would then notify u.
and u can now solve the matter.

how to solve the matter?
do not stop befriending them.
give them a chance.
a simple trick by me.
befriend them.
let them join u and ur other friends.
it's so simple.
just do not talk to them as much as ur other friends.
they will feel left out.
they will feel guilty.
WILL????
LET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONE !!
ONCE AGAIN
I'M SORRY IF THIS POST HAS BROKE THE HEART OF BACKSTABBERS..
THIS IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WAD U HAVE DONE!

2006-10-25T16:47:00.000+08:00

"i am very stressed and getting depressed easily. everyone in my family and relatives says that i am the hope and i must take care of my family. perhaps they do not realise that by saying those things, it builds up pressure on me and it makes me scared when i wonder what if i were to fail. they're forgiven. up till today, i'm still clueless of how i could do well in what i do even with many difficulties in life. God has helped me a lot. Without God's help, i will never have done it. never. How did i get that courage to work hard ? Behind everything that happens lies a reason behind it. i do not want lots of money; i do not even intend to. i just want a happy family with humble and responsible people. i am not the kind of person who just knows how to talk or comment on something. i act. fast" - azhar

azhar's fourth confession.
plans.
arrogance.
song.
failure.

plans.

i hope to learn many things before i reach 25.
thank God i accomplished some of my goals.
but here are some that i wish i could achieve:

L1R5 of 12 and below for "O" levels (excluding CCA points, etc).
performing for non-school organised concert.
compose and produce one song.
learn 3 more styles of dance.
be part of a charity organisation.
have a wonderful girl.

huge possibilty of not becoming a businessman.
it's difficult.
money.

i am still planning to go overseas.
China.

even if i've got a good job and high pay.
or even if i am fated to be rich.
i will not let my family live as wealthy beings.
my children will be using public transport.
my house will not be very expensive and huge.
that's the reason why i need a wonderful woman.
to finish the final moments of my life with.
persevere.
humble.
not crazy for wealth.
loving.
feminine.
pretty.

arrogance.

"everything that i wrote is from my heart. all the things i have written under my confessions are true. if i have anyone who reads this blog, i am trully sorry. this is just my art of expression." - azhar

it's a strong word. the word that always got me thinking if i'm related to it. i have always asked my friends if i'm arrogant. popular victims are razin and siti. one of my teachers have also expressed his concern as i kept stressing in my blog at times my apology if i did appear arrogant in my previous post.

but i live in a family which condemns arrogance. my mum always stresses me to remember my roots when if i become successful in the future. furthermore, i'm always scared if i appear arrogant in front of my friends as i do not really talk that much except when with my frens in small groups.

"my love is bizarre; not suicidal or true" - azhar

if u see me outside, i'll just smile or if you're lucky, i would say "hi". in class i'm much different. i've changed my way of mixing with people. i used to undergo total isolation by which i seriously am quiet and mind my own business. my mum hates that. very much. she has always wanted me to be more friendly and outspoken.

and that's when i became quai lan. a controlled one. very controlled. this treatment is only for two special people. Dan and Aloysius. They are my great friends. And class would be boring without them. They're very fun to talk to. Ask my friends. Dan and Aloysius are the only two distinct people i am quai lan or sialan with. Nevertheless, i am still lucky to have met such two good people.

song.

"i once said that i will be a bachelor forever. God has proven me wrong." - azhar

i've completed one song.
not sure what people would think of it.
i hope someone takes the song.
and inject instrumentations to it.

the song is not emo.
although it sounds like it is.
strange but.
i do not really know where i really get the inspiration from.
perhaps it is inspired by true story.
of my cousin who lost her close friends.
forever.

she has always worried me.
hope she stays strong.

"beauty can go away but sweetness is forever." - aziz, azhar's father

failure

i have failed. in helping my friends achieve good results. this shows that i am not a good tutor and friend. i have tried many things. but keep failing. i even tried to brainwash them by saying, "the door is now open to overtake me.", but to no avail. i hope 4e5 do well for "O" levels.

i will try my best to achieve reasonable results for "O" levels. i hope things go fine on that day. i hope Ultimate Crew Challenge would be a success. but most importantly, the Dance camp must make it. if not, i will have to do what i have promised to all the readers who has read one of my past three confessions.

"i would like to thank all who have shown great support for all my previous three confessions. thanks a billion. i will continue to express myself through more of my upcoming confessions. once again, a big thank you." - azhar

written by azhar

2006-10-22T11:49:00.000+08:00

24th October...
azhar shows all his house for hari raya.
for those who have not visited his house.
as it's not possible to have house-to-house visit this year.
because of the time-constraint.

something for everyone..
tyra banks ? beyonce ? oh no!

2006-10-18T22:25:00.000+08:00

drastic.
change.

the world is changing.
more teenagers are getting pregnant.
more gays/lesbians are emerging.
more diseases are arising.
less teenagers are responsible.
less marriages lasts over the years.
less understanding among the different religions.

more ppl are getting arrogant.
thinking of themselves only.
after getting good marks/qualifications.
they forgot who they are.
their roots.

the song that i've written.
tortured by ur love.
receive good response.
the song/lyrics that is.
i would like to thank all.
i'll work hard and finish the song.
my cousin might be teaching me how to play acoustic guitar.
thnk u cousin.

i hunger passion in the Arts field.
i wanna try as many things as possible when i'm still young.
if this is considered as a poser, then i'll accept it.
cause in my heart, my niat(true intention) is to fulfil my passion in the Arts field.
nth is an obstacle when i hunger for sth.
and i'll work hard for it.
i wanna be a committed dancer and song-writer and expressionist.

azhar

2006-10-17T16:28:00.000+08:00

adapted.
note how i play with the font sizes. it's an expression.

what have i done?
what did i do wrong to deserve such treatment?
those questions swam in my mind.
i have raised him with much care and concern.
and did is what i receive in return.
i look at the mirror.
a scar on the right cheek.
an ugly face.
the eyes focused.
the birthmark on the forehead.
it reminds me of my father.
or his grandfather.
the person whom i have regarded as filth.
or even worse.
the eyes now zoomed out.
there was a repulsion.
the face was gone.
i now look at my family photo.
my son.
my wife.
smiling.
the photo gets soaked.
the smiles now look evil.
my son is demonic.
but i have been more cruel towards his grandfather.
very much more.

"no matter how much you hate ur father or mother. do not antagonize them. after all, they're still your parent. the more you hate them. the more ur son or daughter will hate you in the future." - azhar

2006-10-14T23:04:00.000+08:00

Tortured by ur love
written by azhar

chorus done..
i've uploaded it..
it's in this blog..
please put on ur ear-piece to listen
i've even sang that song..
plz understand taht i'm using a mic..
other than that..
do listen..
and comment..
if u wish..

2006-10-14T19:17:00.000+08:00

to all malay sec 4 students in North Vista Sec School:

hari raya gathering and house-to-house visit.

my primary school frens have invited me to join them for this year..but i told them i had to think first...that's because actually i want to go out and celebrate hari raya with u guys..

one of u.. anyone can be the planner and tell us when we shld go out together...it can be jan, razin, fau, faiz, faris or anyone...

please act fast cause if not i'll have to JOIN my primary school frens for the 6 consecutive years..(2001-2006)...my primary school frens always plan abt 2 weeks before hari raya..purpose is to tell our parents beforehand so that our parents can book another date to go out for hari raya as a family...

done

new entry

azhar..
he never wants to be cool
he never wants to be smart
he never wants to look good
he never wants to be open
but
he has his own style
in whatever he does
his contemp art
his expressions in writing and dance
his quotes
are all his
no one is able to copy what he does now
that's why he still survives in an environment with cool, smart, good-looking and open community...
he has the substance
he is different outside and when on stage or writing
he is unique

2006-10-10T19:17:00.000+08:00

All the GOOD guys are GAY or TAKEN...

total NONSENSE!
ok..firstly, let me talk to u abt the man man that i'm greatly influenced with..that is Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. He is the GOODEST guy in this planet and i SWEAR he's NOT gay. The reason why i'm greatly influenced by him is because of the extensive religious classes that i went through went i was very young...thnx to my mum. And i live by the principle, "soft in the outside, manly inside" , inspired by him.

furthermore, if wad the saying is somehow TRUE, then all my GOOD frens and me who're not taken are BISEXSUAL....unsensible ..u have to understand..some ppl are juz career-minded or are busy with their own family problems.

i juz dun like to SHOW-OFF my ego as a man...
this leads me to this INTERESTING question..
how do we know if SOMEONE is GAY?
this is wad i tink...
- that GAY keeps smiling and blushing in front of guys...
- that GAY walks TOTALLY like a GIRL, with his hands swinging...
- that GAY loves to watch GAY pornography to the MAX..and even tries to imitate them...i SWEAR in front of my AL-QURAN those ppl are DISGUSTING!

siti writes abt how she feels towards guys in her blog..
she distrust guys..
but i did not counter her for writing those posts..
i am not someone hu fights with a girl unneccessarily...
DAYUS! (in malay)

i'm tortured by ur love...
the title of the song that i'm writing...

written by,
toaOo(the one and Only one) azhar

2006-10-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

a letter to mum...

mum, i'm sorry i've always treated u like u were my maid. mum..i have tried to do my best in all the different fields that i'm involved in for the past decade or so. mum, u have always unsettled me with ur ailing health. stop crying mum. i hate to see tears rolling down ur cheeks. remove that contorted face mum. remove it. mum, please stop mentioning that u hope u die soon as ur too tired taking care of the family and house when i'm in school. i can't concentrate for my prelims. to be frank with u, i was too tired thinking and worrying of u. i hope my results will not reflect badly on it. help fulfil my wish mum. mum, i know i'm the only hope in the family. but i've nothing with me mum. nothing. perhaps i need a partner or someone special to be with me and stop cheating love. mum, i hope i have done what u always wanted me to do; that is, jangan lupa diri [not to forget my roots] and jangan lupa sembahyang [do not forget ur prayers]. mum, in case i meet failure in the future, i'm trully sorry. You can call me a bad and useless son; that's if i'm ur real son.

with love,
azhar

2006-09-28T21:52:00.000+08:00

hi frens..

ULTIMATE CREW CHALLENGE...it's gonna be the greatest concert...even greater that grad hi-tea..all ex-vistarians and vistarians ...frm sec 2 to sec 4 are greatly welcomed..u will never regret it...it's totally hip and funky!

performers include:

- PHAT MAMA CREW[sec 3, 4 and 5 modern dancers]......their last
performance together in school!

- DANCE COMPETITION[ sec 1 - 2 modern dancers]

- ELITE BUNCH CREW[includes rusydi frm sec 4]

- LE GENSO CREW [includes syaiful and gang frm sec 4N]

- 3 BAND (GUITAR) performances [includes razin, prem, faiz frm sec 4 and ex-vistarians such as syafiee]...their final performance in school!

- 1 PROFESSIONAL BAND

Deadline of ticket booking/purchase: 24th October 2006

a PLATFORM for vistarians and ex-vistarians to SHOWCASE their talent!

2006-09-25T18:58:00.000+08:00

i wanted to play around with the horn of my father's motorcycle but nth happened. i thought it was strange. that was when my father told me i was actually pressing the switch. the horn is on the left side ; not the right side. light was kinda flickering if i'm not wrong. lucky it happened near carpark. imagine i pressed the switch in the midde of the road.. phewwww...

"azhar will never pass the theory test in driving motorcycles. " - my father

prelims is over.
"o" levels is coming.
fasting is here.
i hope i get results that is deserving.

God, help me.

i wanna do it for the last time.
i wanna prove while i'm still here.
i wanna fulfil my true a passion.
i am gonna make the dream come true.

"i respect girls. under one condition; they must respect themselves first." - azhar

2006-09-22T19:21:00.000+08:00

the one chapter that i studied for Elective history did not come out. But thank GOD, i manage to pull it through.

it was a close shave...

it was on a Sunday. one of the usual Sudays during which i would go to mosque for religious prayers. i was lsitening to some music. my eyes was half-closed; obviously in my own world. then i had this urge to look up. like someone pushed my head up with force.

i looked straight and saw two female joggers waving at me. asking to step aside i supposed. and so i took a step aside and one taxi juz drove past me. i was shocked. i was dumbfounded. i removed my ear-pieces and took deliberate steps to the bus-stop. well, the two joggers scolded me. but they saved my life. i learnt a great lesson from there.

"i don't like wild girls. wild girls are girls with no self-respect." - azhar

when i say no self-respect means somone who does not know how to to take care and love herself. and i dun like such girls. wild girls are not girls who smoke and drink; they are girls who juz give up their pussies for a foreign dick. those are wild girls. and i dislike them. they have no sense of pride and respect for themselves. although girls are not supposed to smoke or drink, but to me it's their freedom. they can also remove the stinking smell of smole and alcohol easily. but sex before marriage should never happen. ever. why?

cause once ur not a virgin, it will stay there forever. ppl can stop smoking and drinking. but after sex, all evidences will lie against you.

2006-09-21T19:04:00.000+08:00

"my prelims are going fine. thank God." - azhar

betrayed.

and abandoned.

know of megat?

his name is megat shah rezza. he's from 4e2. and he did something phenomenal. it was on the 21st September 2006. i remembered i was heading back home with a friend.and megat too. we were outside the school already. then he told us this:

"ermm...guys...i think i wanna go back and wait for razin." - megat

i was amazed at how much he cares for his fellow buddy, razin. he went back to school and waited for razin. just for a friend. before that, i could recall that he has waited for razin to settle some matters with mr lee thai shen for quite some time too. razin instructed us to go first as he knew that he would end late and he doesn't want to trouble us.

megat went with us. but up till the point of time when he actually uttered the speech, i did not realise that his heart was actually stubborn. he still wanted to wait for razin. it's very difficult to find such friends. serious. nowadays, very few friends are there to wait hours and hours juz for u..and to complete their journey with u..

in retrospect?

this reminds me of my friend. previously in primary school, he used to give me money and he not only care for me; but my entire family. he is asiq.

now everyone...
treasure ur frens....
love them...
dun juz cry with them...
but wait for them..
and complete ur journey together with them...
u can find many friends who cries with u nowadays..
but it's very difficult to find frens who wants to complete his journey together with u..
hand in hand...

"days are passing by fast. very fast." - azhar

2006-09-20T18:19:00.000+08:00

i didn't expect one quote to be inspirational...
i didn't expect people to remember this one quote...
the quote that i have created...
and said during the morning assembly...
when me and samantha were presenting our speech...
regarding our CCA...
the quote is...

"dance has change me from a nobody into a somebody." - azhar

yeah..this is the quote...
i remember someone say it in front of me...
i was surprised that she would remember it...
and the quote is true...
very true...
when there's passion, everything can juz come out...
i wanna write a song about my life..
it's on the process...
i will put it in my blog...
the song that encompasses the things that i've written...
and the style in which i have written them...

"if u think any of the content above is a show-off or arrogance put up by me...i'm sorry....i never intend to do it on purpose...please accept my apology." - azhar

my body wants to move to the beat...
for the last time in school...

2006-09-19T13:05:00.000+08:00

"falling in love is like falling into a deep hole; a hole of paradise." - azhar

a letter to her...

hi ________, it was nice to finally meet you after so long we're separated. Your smile hasn't changed. I believe your heart doesn't to. I remember the times where i always love to sit beside you in primary school. You would be singing beside me. And sometimes you would be reading my books during silent reading. Remember the time when i was punished for talking too much and not reading? ahah... Your voice is so sweet that to hear you speak is like hearing you singing to me. You are a very patient and shy girl. But i like to talk to you; well actually, i like to see you smile. You have a adorable face. Feels like kissing your cheeks. Damn they're pinkish. Sorry, if i'm being overboard...sorry eh...You're a smart girl too. A girl with integrity and someone whom i respect. You're not the wild type; very quiet. I would like to say thank you for being my close friend for 2 years. Other than that, GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

yours sincerely.
azhar

2006-09-14T19:38:00.000+08:00

"enough of sad and solemn moments. i love to smile and i hope i make others smile when i'm happy and fun. smile is not contagious; it is not a disease. it is just a cure for sad and solemn faces." - azhar

the lighter side of my story....

it happened to my mum during september holidays. my mum is in the kitchen cooking some dishes. at the same she is also nagging about how my father behaves. it was funny; seeing her nag like that. she seemed to have compiled all dad's mistakes and spilled everything to me.

i was also in the kitchen listening to her political speeches. after that i decided to stroll into the living room and watch the tv. guess what? my father was entering the house and he told me not to tell mum- he loves to enter secretly so as to give surprises. now here's the punch line...there i was standing in the living room with my dad and my mum was still criticizing my dad non-stop. my dad heard everything and kept listening to what she had to say next.

and then my mum came to the living room! AHAHAH damn she was shocked to see dad sitting in the living room. i was laughing my heads off. i remembered mum asking me, "did dad listen to what i said?" of course mum! ur secrets all revealed. my mum showed the worried look but later smiled when my father exposed his dimples. pheww. lucky my dad did not explode. this shows that my mum and dad are a very cute couple indeed. cute people.

"one of the greatest thing that i want to do now is to fall in love to the most sweetest girl ever." - azhar

profile of me...

what do i want to achieve in school:
1) get a good L1R5 for prelims and 'O' levels

" i believe with the grades that i can achieve, and with God's
permission, i can help my family and the community." - azhar

2) be one of the best male contemporary dancer

" a lot of people are engrossed with breakdancing. this gives me a
huge opportunity to be a different kind of dancer. and with the
help of all, esp my friends, i believe i have make a mark as a
male contemporary dancer."
- azhar

something that is my original:
1) this blog. my style of writing.

" to be different is one of my many goals in life." - azhar

prelims are going fine. i thought i was weak enough not to write, but i was proven wrong. i still have this extra courage to move on. it's a miracle.

" if i was arrogant and a show-off in this post or in any previous post, then i'm sorry. curse me if u want. hate me if u must. i'll just accept it and use it as base to improve myself." - azhar

2006-09-12T20:53:00.000+08:00

"i cannot take it anymore. it's just too burdensome and overwhelming for me. i am now officially the second father for the family. everyone depend on me. almost all my family members. at home, i have to look after my family. my mum is fast ailing. she's getting weaker day by day. it's obvious; signs of ageing. it's difficult for me to focus on my studies now. everytime when i study, it will be cut off by my mum as she needs my assistance. i am also falling sick. but a miracle happened a few days ago when i got the strength to do my practicals even though i'm sick. up till now, i don't know where i accumulated that sheer strength and courage. my body is getting weaker. i'm getting silent. i have fallen." - azhar

i have fallen.
this is the route for you to overtake me.

"i write not for sympathy; not for attention either. i write because i need to express my feelings; because i believe keeping it to myself is almost equivalent to self-destruction" - azhar

"take a balloon and keep inserting gas and pressure inside it and it will explode. take another balloon and keep inserting gas and pressure inside it again. this time, make holes on the balloon beforehand; it will not explode" - azhar

2006-09-05T14:21:00.000+08:00

"from today onwards, i will return back to what i am years back; policy of isolation. i am sorry if i have hurt anyone's feelings during the time when i tried to open up and during the time when i became what they call quai lan. i am sorry mum. you always told me to be more open as you are worried that i might be too anti-social. but this is not who i am; i am not someone who is outgoing, talkative or open. i will be who i am before. i have prayed for the right path. and i believe this is the one." - azhar

azhar's confession....
read and listen to the soothing music...
a unique song...
songs that azhar listens to...
tag to show appreciation....
that's all i ask of u...
thank u....

"i make mistakes; please tell me if i'm wrong; tell me if i turned arrogant; tell me if i turned bad; please.." - azhar

ALL GUYS ARE PERVERTS. THOSE WHO SAY THEY AREN'T ARE GAY OR LYING - a friend of mine

-reply by azhar -
ur talking CRAP... not all guys are perverts....yes..guyz watch porn,etc...this is normal....those hu acted out the scenes in pornography are perverts not the OTHERS....i believe gays are also perverts....perhaps even worse than normal guyz....perhaps you somehow hate guyz....but please....not ALL guyz are perverts....watching pornography is NOT pervetic....acting it out towards a girl IS....hope this message is brought clear to the minority group of girls hu somehow hate guys... think twice before you make such baseless comments....there are many examples of guys who take care of their spouse or girlfriend well....thank you...sorry if the language used is too negative...
-end of reply-

"dance has changed me from a nobody into a somebody" - azhar

people change...
people lie...

"love is never a choice; it is fated" - azhar

well...........recently i made a long-lost friend of mine.......we were of the same primary school last time...he was a funny guy.....well..when we chat together in msn...he kept asking me if i had a girlfriend or not....well...my answer was no.....no need lah..and so on..my usual excuses....

"loving someone is fake; missing someone is true" - azhar

well....dun be surprised but i think i'm the only guy in school among my frens who have never share his crush or his dream girl....so i was not really shocked or irritated when my long-lost kept asking me hu my girlfren is....perhaps he do not believe that i have none....it's not because i dun have time..

"always share your knowledge with your friends" - rohana, azhar's mother

it's because i dun juz anyhow juz hook up a girl without thinking of the future...i'm a guy hu will lawayz give the best i can to the person i luv...if i believe i am still no good enough to share my bizarre luv with a special one..then i'll wait...wait till i know the time is right..i dun wan..and never one a broken heart....

"my luv is bizarre; not suicide or true" - azhar

besides that....i kinda have a very high "standard" in terms of personality and character...10 times higher than any of my frens in class such as faiz, faris or even rashid..i dunno why...my heart juz can't can't seem to melt....i luv girls....but there is this huge rock that can never be crushed...it can only be melted.....by who....i hope i'll find her soon.....

"when you see me cry or look up after receiving a result; it's not because i'm happy; it's because i'm scared if God will take everything from me one day" - azhar

in terms of looks my "standard" isn't too low or too high....moderate...guyz hu say they priotise character than looks of a girl are mostly lying...i believe so.....cause i used to be one of them...and i lied....looks are actually an obvious and fundamental "criteria"....

"i dance for passion. not fame" - azhar , with alterations by DJ Danny

wad will happen if my parents leave forever now..when i'm schooling now....my life would be destroyed....without my parents..my ailing parents....i would have to take care of my brother..my very sicked brother.....out of many things that my frens can hlp me, this is the one of those they would not be able to....

"without my friends, my life is like a bottle filled with vacuum" - azhar

cause it takes lots of patience and maturity when handling with such problems.....experience too....if i say i'm not shy about my brother's condition..i lied...i wish my brother would recover....or i have a normal sibling...like my other frens....i wish my parents could live until i start working...or best....until i'm married....

"O" levels is the decideng factor...........i lied...it's not "O" levels...it's God....

song by frente...
quotes written by azhar...

written by,
azhar

2006-09-04T14:57:00.000+08:00

If you haven't heard already, Steve Irwin died today on the 4th of September, on the Barrier Reef, near Cairns As a sign of respect for the Australian cultural icon, please place a turtle ( tu ) at the start of your MSN name, and forward this message on to other.

2006-09-04T13:16:00.000+08:00

hi frens,

yesterday i went to my auntie's house after some religious lessons in the morning...after i reached there...damn i was treated like a guest-of-honour....i was served 4 different types of food....french fries.......eggs and bread.........a lot of nuggets......and chicken..........it was delicious to the max.....that was breakfast.......for lunch she bought for me chicken rice.........damn my auntie is very nice and generous.........she even gave me money before i went back home...how nice....

things went quite shaky a few days ago when someone criticised my frens frm modern dance...i told the victims abt it to let them them know of the crtitics they were lambasted with...although i can't really seem to comprehend wad's that person is trying to show or prove....i still believe he shouldn't make the comment....but the matter is solved now...so i hope the taggers who tagged and impugned that person's blog will accept his genuine and sincere apology...

although ths dance camp has been approved and the dance booklet completed.......i'm still worried about the dance camp....i'm worried about the day itself......if things are not going as planned...wad if we have no time to buy the props or equipments for the games, or the diff coloured shirts for the diff grps, etc....or wad if the modern dancers are not willing to even come...cause i asked one of them and she was shocked at the camp fee....i'm juz worried that my inexperience in organising camps would be a reason for its failure....

let me share u some tips which can lift up ur moral or mood in studies:
1) Make sure ur study table is neat and clean.
2) Never switch on your computer or radio or television when studying in the room.
3) Do not eat and study at the same time.
4) Do something fun before u study to wake up your brains...i occasionally dance before i study.
5) Close the door and put a fan near u.
6) Pray after studying.

written by,
azhar

2006-08-28T20:24:00.000+08:00

an expressionist..
azhar's expression....
an art expression...
written in a different way from the hidden story...
uncover it...

ur structure is weak..
ailing..
and falling anytime...
ur onli a bird..
a bird carries sticks..
but u carry trunks of wood...
not an ordinary wood..
but a special one...
one that is burdensome...
one that is faltering u..
one that blurrs ur eyes with tears..
tears of pain...
mournful eyes...
ur character is impeccable..
which makes it looks more impertinent...
not permitting the help from others...
but letting all the agony overwhelm u....
ur leading a fast-paced life...
no time to amble and saunter...
u scamper and scuttle all day long...
each and every day...
ur voice seemed poignant this days...
ur averting my glance each day...
a box...
ur keeping a box...
a box of secrets...
and i need the key to unlock it...
a special key...
but where and when will i find it...

written by,
azhar

2006-08-18T19:26:00.000+08:00

even the most beautiful girl...
the most intimate girl...
the most sex appeal girl...
the most voluptuous woman..
the hottest girl...
the most caring girlfriend...
the most cute girlfriend...
the most loving girlfriend..
can ever replace a mum's love...
u can find find a thousand...
a million or a billion girls in the world..
but there's only one mum...
only one love from a very special person...
ur mum...
think of this..
hu's the first person hu sits besides u when ur ill?
hu's the first person hu'll be very worried when ur ill?
hu cooks for u and takes care of u when ur ill?
hu picks u up when ur down?
hu comforts u when ur not in a good mood?
hu scolds u when ur wrong so that u won't make the same mistake?
hu cooks for u ur favourite dish?
hu gives u money to go to school?
but most importantly....
hu has lived for 9 months with a baby inside...those 9 months full of pain and agony....and then...to raise u up until wad ur now...hu has done it?
nobody except ur mum...

a person in aboy-girl relationship doesn't make him/her more matured than me...a person hu is not in a relationship...
a person in a boy-girl relaionship is only more matured in terms of relationship problems...
but can he/she accept and bear many responsibilities???
can he/she take care care of a sick and ageing family on his/her own ...
can he/she handle lots of stress while taking care of a sick parent/sibling...
can he/she solve real-life problem full of composure?
can he/she help survive on his/her own?
can he/she do all the things above BETTER than ppl hu are not in any relationships???
the ans is NOT TRUE...
a person hu is in a boy-girl relationship is only more matured in terms of boy-girl relationships...but can he/she take care of a family or etc.... However, a boy/girl hu has been in many real life experiences as he/she gets older is MORE matured in terms of being a better person and handling problems with composure....
put yeong chyun(single) and a full-time mat or pimp(many gf) in a jungle..
hu will get out first?

written by,
azhar

com

2006-08-13T19:49:00.000+08:00

hi frens,

well..first...i failed to go to the dance competition..in which my instructor, Ryan, took part..i was too busy and my grandma came to my house..i was seriously on the verge on asking my cousin to follow me but my schedule was too pack...i tink i'm the top 3 most BUSIEST man in school...first, the most important one...Dance Camp..i'm putting my heart and soul into it....me and my fabulous and committed frens have worked very hard to make this dream come true... as the overall in-charge..i have to committ more to this camp...i have to check the proposals again and again with the help of my fren, nur hamidah....her experience has really helped me a lot...

wad my fren, faiz said was very true...he said get ready for the stress as i was the leader...well..i'm having litttle stress..i have a way to reduce it...so, everything is quite fine now....stress is building up for sure..but FEAR NOT, i'm gonna make this camp the most fun camp ever in school!......

next, i have 2 tests this week...SS test and AM test..i'm supposed to cover abt 9 chapters or even more for AM test...thus, now u know why i call myself the one of the BUSIEST MAN in school...eheheheh

written by,
Azhar

dance

2006-08-07T19:21:00.000+08:00

dear frens,
todae i would share with u my experience in modern dance...this are some of the performances that i've made together with my fantastic frens and how i rate them...

most memorable performance:
Speech day(2005)........i remember before this performance we were criticised baly by other ppl hu thinks we dun deserve the Gold award for SYF....almost everyone of us were deeply sad by their criticisms...we were labelled as "lucky performers" i believe...However the modern dancers showed true courage and determination as well as perseverence and handled the problem well...we kept practising hard and all had one goal...to prove to those ppl out there that we deserve the award indeed...during the Speech Day itself, we put up a fabulous performance and burnt the stage down...we conquered the stage..i remembered some ppl even stood up as an appreciation to our dance...After the performance we cried...we hugged each other..the first time all of us hug each other including me....i remembered staining Nadia's costume if i'm not wrong..eheheh..sry....this was a memorable performance because we have achieved out most important goal not juz as frens but as a family...

most embarassing performance:
National Day(2005).......let me tell u wad happened...well actually i had a dance together with Ms Quek..it was a great dance by the way..full of energy...well..on the day itself....we were supposed to dance in the middle of the crowd...i remembered dancing in front of this grp of girls....wad rose my curiosity was when they kept smiling at me suddenly..then one of the girls pointed at my long pants...i look down..guess wad?...my zip was not properly closed....eheheheh...no wonder they were the smiling....after that we became great frens...they even danced with me..nice ppl...i still can't believe i didn't zip my pants properly..ehehehh....9th Augudt 2005 will be a date to remember...the most embarrassing performance...

worst performance:
Golden Jubilee(Matinee Show).......this was the worst performance because i lost my focus completely..i failed to get into my character..as a zulu tribe leader..the reason was because the childish audience watching kept laughing and making a lot of noises that i can't concentrate properly..i almost forget my steps....it was so chaotic..too many noises...and i lost my focus completely...i was rather lethargic too..i mean to be laughed at continuously on a performance will greatly demoralise u....i suffered and felt no more energy....thus, this is my worst performance ever...

the concert which i had a great time to be in:
Golden Jubilee........damn..i miss the moment where all modern dancers would stay in our backstage rooms and we would talk together....i remembered when i would always help massage jasz, sam, and janna marican....their back keep aching.....i had a great time...i also remembered it when we talk with ms zu and ms juriah abt pregnancy, sex and more....it was fun! i was laughing all the way i guess! then we would secretly eat in our backstage rooms when other CCAs ate at the pantry area....ehehehe..that was fun...we put on our dance make-up together and we hlp each other out...or we would take a lot of pictures!...joking around was another regular thing we did...we laughed a lot too....sometimes we practiced together in the rooms or do our homework ..and we also faced scoldings by ms zu and improve ourselves frm it.....yeah..i miss Golden Jubilee concert!...i miss the backstage!.....i miss my modern dancer frens!!!..i had a great time!!!

written by,
Azhar

me

2006-08-05T13:55:00.000+08:00

dear frens,

yesterday i had a scare...at around 9.30pm....after i was dancing a while in my bedroom to the song entitiled "Hip's dun lie"(bamboo version) by shakira....i decided to watch tv..i was watching "Black Hawk Down"..it's a great movie....abt 11 pm....i sense sth was wrong with my legs..i had a cramp..it was a minor one..so i juz ignored it...THEN....it came again..this time it struck me HARD....my feet was shifted to the right.....my veins or muscles were stretched to the limits....i groaned a little..my mum assisted me...nth happened...my mum panicked a little..scolding me....and yet my leg was still not ok...i have nvr had a cramp which lasted so long and the pain was unimaginable...THEN, my dad woke up..after hearing my mum complaining i guess....my dad knows how to massage...so he said some prayers and massaged me gently....it took him abt 5 minutes to solve the problem....thnx Dad....i learnt a lesson...NEVER ignore a minor cramp...STRETCH if u have one...if u ignore...and it's at night with the coldness..it's gonna struck u again..but this time it's HARDER...

todae i came to school for CCA award..but i came early to support my frens frm modern dance...they're my second family now...damn..i'm sry i cannot join u guyz for the teachers' day item...i'm such a betrayer...nvr hlp my frens...sry guyz....i seriously wish i can dance....but circumstances and luck is not on my side...but rest assured..i will most probably dance with u guyz after all exams end....most probably during dance camp....by the way..the dance is not okay..it is WONDERFUL....u guyz rock man...teachers' day...i'll be there to support u....a proud supporter that is...

i dun like war..i wan peace...imagine ur parents or siblings KILLED by bombs..i can't imagine it...i can't live without my mum...my moral support....

i'm extermely pleased with the progress of the dance camp....i promise i'll work hard and make this camp happen....yeah...

written by,
Azhar

cute mom

2006-08-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

hi ppl,

eheheh...yesterday my mum was funny and cute....well, she wanted to changed the channel and watch another tv programme...so she took the controller and pressed the number two..she tried a few times but nth happened...then she realised she was pressing a PHONE!...i was laughing like no one's business..then she smiled of embarrassment...face turned red..so cute..love u mum...next time wear ur glasses, mom....eheheh

now i dunno if i shld go to Gala Dinner or not....Ms Zu invited me....if i go, i would be the the ONLY guy again(excluding mr tan ken jin)....i'm always the thorn among the roses....i hope ms zu invite at least another male dancer..i dunno hu.....hairul? tajul? yeong chyun? i dunno...i wanted to be treated fairly as my other male frens....if they dun go..then i shldn't go to....wad makes me so special....well...i'll juz see how....

yeah..liyana passed he AM test finally....she thanked a lot of times.....but actually i did nth....she shld thank Allah s.w.t first and herself of course....no use if i teach her but she dun revise at home....might as well dun revise ur work..but she showed her hardwork and it paid off...yeah..thnx to faiz too...cause he is also there to hlp her....i am juz there to clarify her queries..that's all....and yeah...i will hlp u till 'O' levels....

i am losing my study mood..thnx to Physics! it is so demoralising..whenever i opened my physics book to revise , i would lose the mood to study anything for the whole day....but when i revise my AM, it was so fun! i can study 5.5 hrs a day! so i think...i'll not concentrate much on physics...i luv maths and chem and humanities and i muz be consistent in them..i believe i can do it! yeah....

Rohana bte Agam is my soul...i can't live without her....she's my life....

written by,
Azhar

2006-07-27T20:40:00.000+08:00

azhar writes for u what are the words below the picture...

The PHOTO in the mail is the "Pulitzer prize"winning photo taken in 1994 during the Sudan famin. The picture depicts a famine stricken child crawling towards an United Nations food camp, located a kilometre away.

> The vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat it. The picture shocked the whole world. no one knows what happened to the child, including the photographer Kebvin Carter who left the place as soon as the photograph was taken.

> Three months later he committed suicide due to depression

this CHANGED my life...
we're living with enough food and water..
no poverty...
no famine...
wad abt this child....
and the millions like him...
azhar

azhar

2006-07-27T19:26:00.000+08:00

hi frens,

i heard a lot of opinions abt the upcoming hi-tea for the graduating students..i heard some of them show such bad attitude towards it...i mean wake up ppl....it's juz a hi-tea..pity those planning for it...i tink $30 is okay...so chill ppl....haiz...

today ms zu retuned to school...she permed her hair.....cool....she was away for abt 2 mths i believe...so long...but now she's back...she ask me abt the modern dance progress..she said she heard the progress was not gd...i wonder hu said that...nah..everything is fine ms zu...

i juz did my AM test paper juz now...it was ok..i am aiming for 54/60.....i believe i can do it.....then i had malay test paper...it was ok too....no compre..so can relax and chill a little....

i am now scared to write the dance camp proposal....i have to write it cause i organised it....tension..however, my frens are wonderful..they showed full commitment and helped me a lot...u ppl are great man...i'll consult yeong chyun how to write a CONVINCING proposal so as to make sure ms zu and mr tan approve to it...yeah....thnx ppl!

i tink i'll be a bachelor forever......joining the bachelor club forever.....not getting married....busy man..

written by, azhar

life

2006-07-25T19:30:00.000+08:00

it was at night...
about 8.50 pm...
i went to rivervale mall to buy some chicken nuggets frm old chang kee...
not for me..for my dearest mum...

about 8.54pm..
i'm now at the entrance of rivervale mall..
it's kinda noisy outside...
kids riding some toy cars....
they had smiles on their faces..
so cute..

about 8.56 pm...
queuing for food..
queue line about 2 ppl...

about 8.57 pm...
finished buying the chicken nuggets..
turned my heard to the west..
and i froze...
she was a beauty..
undescribed beauty...
i knew her heart was a beauty too...
saw her name-tag...
"tan siti nur..."
chinese-muslim i supposed...
my eyes, with contact lenses met her eyes...
she smiled....
i smiled back...

about 9.01 pm...
i went back home...
i made a wish...
i wanna meet her again some day..
maybe in poly..
maybe in jc...
who knows.....

special

2006-07-23T11:54:00.000+08:00

dear frens,

todae i'll share u abt my weirdest frens....we are not close but when we chat together..we're like one..

1) siti hamidah: believe it or not..even though we are frm the same pri school, i only started to talk to her in secondary school..but very seldom...once in 4 mths...lol...the thing abt her is that we talk like we're close frens in msn ewhen we dun really know each other...we would sometimes share our problems..siti is an emo ranger...a nice one...eheheh...recently, she helped me put the cbox in my blog..thnx a lot siti...that was nice...she is a gd fren to talk to...take care fren...

2) rusydi: i am not close to him..but when we talk we're like brothers..we can talk for hours..i remember hari raya...we chat together almost at every house...we often talk abt frenship stuff...he sometimes share his family probs...we're gd frens...rusydi alwayz tell me how MUCH he wans to perform the last time this year in school...i hope i can hlp u..but sry..i dun no how to bboy yet...heheh....sometimes he would follow us go friday prayers....a very gd example of a good muslim...hope ur successful in the dance field...take care man...

that's all...

dance camp coming rite up during december holidays...i can't wait...

written by,
Azhar

hmm...

2006-07-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

this is a response to how faris criticise me in his blog...he called me loser and more..

faris,
Allah s.w.t will show hu is right and hu's wrong...and Allah s.w.t is showing it bit by bit already...almost everyday ppl complain abt u....i'll not retaliate of how bad u insulted me again in ur blog..i'm not the kind of person hu retaliates to ppl's critics cause i know i'm not perfect...u said i pushed u for nth....plz do remember ur by far the first hu had been physically punished by me in class...u said i pushed u to intimidate u..it was juz a slight push..and u flew...why would i intimidate u....perhaps wad the others say is true..i'm juz to slow to realise it..once again...Allah s.w.t will show hu is right or wrong one day...take care....

written by,
azhar

tests

2006-07-17T18:56:00.000+08:00

Dear frens,

a few weeks ago, i came about a friendship test...well, wad i'm supposed to do is to say out comments to any of my frens..comments which are either baseless, senseless or unrelated to that person...sounds silly..but this is wad i would EXPECT to see wad my fren would do if he/she is my TRUE or TRUSTED fren...

1) he/she would wan to discuss why i said the comments..cause he/she wans our frenship to last.
2) he/she would BELIEVE the baseless comments i said...cause he/she trust me .
3) he/she would be angry of wad i say but didn't retaliate..cause he/she couldn't stand to see me say the comments anymore...he/she doesn't want frendship to end...

So, i decided to choose 2 people at RANDOM...and they are ASIQ and FARIS...i will thell u wad they did..

FARIS: he juz ignored my comments..he said "ok...."and "wadeva.."..worst he criticised my blog again and again...he juz didn't care...no wonder my other frens doesn't like his attitude...after wad he did...i decided to boycott him in msn temporarily....

ASIQ: i pity him..sry eh..it was juz a test..and u PASSED! and i am so pleased! asiq asked to add him in his new msn add to discuss things...he even BELIEVED my comments...man u trust me...gd..and the most unexpected of all...he even wrote a post expressing his anger towards how i "corrupted" his blog....but he said sorry at the end...that means he doesn't mean to hurt any of my feelings as a fren...asiq...ur a great person..hu cares ur violent..to those punggolites hu are his close frens...damn u are lucky....

so which fren of my is the TRUE and TRUSTED one? u should know...try it out..

written by,
Azhar

2006-07-15T18:07:00.000+08:00

dear frens,

this year has been a tough year for me..and more challenges are still to come...i have been tested a huge percentage EMOTIONALLY...

first, i got a huge scare from my mum and her illness..but she's fast recovering...so i'm quite relieved..

now, this year is by far the worst birthday i have ever had...my floorball fren died of a motorcycle accident a day before my birthdae..and i dun fell like celebrating...i was so sad as i lost a fren...my cousin who was closer to him in school was depressed and she cried almost every day...sad...but everything is fine now...after he's safely buried...i wonder how's he now....sad...

now i'm all alone...with my family and some true frens...my target this year is to do well for my 'O' levels...10 points is wad i want to achieve...and i believe i can do it...despite all the challenges i've gone through...

i have decided to take one huge risk...i have decided to make a dream become reality..and that is to have a dance camp for the first time..i am very worried that i would fail...but i believe my frens wouldn't let me down....i believe they would give their very best commitments to make the dance camp into the most fun and exciting camp ever...i can't do it alone..i need them ...my second family...now i PROMISE and SWEAR in front of all the visitors who read this..if i were to FAIL to help my frens have this december dance camp...i would QUIT as a modern dancer forever...

written by,
Azhar

story

2006-07-14T17:48:00.000+08:00

An original story. The girl i met. Read.

It was a cold day.

The sky has juz stopped crying.

Maybe it has run out of tears, i guessed.

i was strolling in the park.

a boring stroll.

the breeze made me feel i had no skin.

in the corner of my eye, i saw someone.

i knew that someone was a she.

she had long hair.

black long hair.

she was sitting across the pond.

the silent pond.

perhaps the organisms inside were afraid of the dark, i guessed.

she sat there like a statue.

a white statue with black long hair.

the park was abandoned.

abandoned by the joggers who came in the morning and sometimes evening.

anxiety has overwhelmed me.

it has contolled my legs.

my legs were heading for the white statue.

silent fills the night for a moment as i stopped walking.

i felt strange.

i am now just a few steps away from the white statue.

the white statue with black long hair.

i approached her.

i tapped her back.

a PONTIANAK .

come out, come out, wherever you are...

2006-06-26T18:02:00.000+08:00

AZHAR'S BIRTHDAY BLOG...
26 May..
for the first time ever..4 posts will be written by azhar...

table of contents:
1st post: exclusive
2nd post: friendship issues
3rd post: azhar's blog/MSN spaces award
4th post: chart on 7 things i like, etc

scroll down now....
and listen to the song until it ends...

2006-06-26T17:32:00.000+08:00

1st post:

exclusive...for a moment i thought my mum would leave me forever...(true story)

the date was 24 June..time was abt 9.30am....my mum woke me up..she sounds kind of panicky..she was never like this before..she asked me to bathe quickly and follow her to the clinic to see a doctor...i thought everything was fine but after bathing...i wore my specs and saw that the left side of my mum's face was shifted a little.. signs of STROKE..the fatal disease which will cause my mum to be bedridden forever...i was shocked...then 10 mins later, we then went down and straight to the doctor..we waited for a while before the doctor call us in...

in the doctor's room, tension fills the air...my mum was anxious and i could see tears forming in her eyes...i was nervous....results came...Thank Allah s.w.t.. the doctor said my mum had Bell's Palsy...facial paralysis which affects one side of her face..it was a rare disease...my mum had a nerve damage and this caused Bell's Palsy....after buying the medicine and some foodwe went home...my um called my relatives and some cried...i cried too, seeing my mum cry..she was still scared of geting STROKE...

i can't imagine life without her.....STROKE kills...but i luv my mum so much..if my mum pass away..who would take care of my sick brother..i will have to quit school and take care of him and family while my dad work...and my future would be gone...i needed someone to talk to....and thankfully i found Kak Dilah thru msn..she was online......she was there for me and she encouraged me to pray hard so that my mum would not get STROKE...she told not to think of quitting school but instead to just be strong, patient and study hard...she was my sister that time...and i felt the love of a sister for the first time....thnx a lot Kak Dilah...i dunno how to repay u...

after that my relatives came..they sat for abt 4 hrs chit chatting and asking abt my mum's condition...That Sat was supposed to be a barbeque family gathering..but they decided to visit my mum instead..how thoughtful of them..after they left, it was me and dad doing all housework...i vaccuumed the house wipe tables, etc...it was a tiring day..but i'd do anything for my dear mum...i'm still confused wad kind of illness she has..i heard some of my relatives mumbling about "imbasan" and "malam angin"...i dunno wad "imbasan" is in english but i know " malam angin" is night wind..i'm thinking that my mum MIGHT go into the way of some spirits at night as she gets the disease the day after...but this an only be cured by traditional malay methods...i'm not sure though but one thing i know is Allah s.w.t. is the only One who can help my mum..

everyday now i pray for her....i want her to recover fast..i still need her....it has been a long time snce i cried....i cried lots too....losing a mum is like losing half or ur life...i hope my frens reading this starts to think twice before treating their mothers rudely....remember this....NOTHING can replce ur mum...i have learnt a huge lesson..luv ur mum from today...

for more info about Bell's Palsy: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/bells/detail_bells.htm

to comment/tag based on this post..write (name)<1>..eg..azhar<1>

NEXT: frienship issues..

2006-06-26T17:07:00.000+08:00

2nd post:

friendship issues:

1) testimonial for iwani: (testi deleted; problem solved)

2) testi towards 4e5

i dunno wad's the prob with 4e5..stop saying Sammy won't make it and that he's not going to pass, etc...instead give him encouragement..the ONLY person hu gives Sammy encouragement is FAIZ..wad an INCREDIBLE fren Faiz is...faiz should be a role-model for u ppl..i juz dun like the idea of demoralising Sammy...he's our fren...my fren too...next, Dan....u tell me u wanna be the top of the class..PROVE to me..in the NEXT 7 yrs, i wanna to see as a smart teacher....u have the ability to be a teacher..this is ur dream...to become a teacher...if u need help, i'm alwayz there....to the rest of 4e5, work hard cause u have abt 4 months before 'O' levels...PROVE to the other express classes that we're not to be messed with..they can no longer DISCRIMINATE us..

to comment/tag based on this post....write (name)<2>....eg..azhar<2>:..

2006-06-26T16:33:00.000+08:00

3rd post:

azhar's Blog/MSN Spaces Awards:

most nicest blogskin/MSN spaces skin:
http://nvmoderndance.blogspot.com/ (modern dance)
very artistic and simple..not messy...i like...

most exciting blog/MSN spaces:
http://choco-frenzy.blogspot.com/ (janna marican)
her post never fail to excite me...very exciting...

most controversial blog/MSN spaces:
http://choco-frenzy.blogspot.com/ (janna marican)
luvs to criticise her grandfather and dad....very daring and controversial...

most emotional blog/MSN spaces:
http://mysongsunsung.blogspot.com// (siti hamidah)
her posts are very emo...such a romantic girl..eheh

most popular blog/MSN spaces:
http://siqrepablik.blogspot.com/ (asiq)
his tagboard alwayz full in juz 2 dayz...amazing...

the blog/MSN spaces with the most pictures:
http://deadbytes.spaces.msn.com/ (rasyidah)
tonnes of pictures!!! eheh...

most 'expected' blog/MSN spaces:
http://imjuzmie.blogspot.com/ (fauzana)
as expected..pink!..ehehheeh....fau luvs pink that's why...

most childish blog/MSN spaces:
http://advancejoker.blogspot.com/ (faris)
faris has an x-men skin...so childish....and he says he's angel....haiz...childish...

the blog/MSN spaces with the most features:
http://advancejoker.blogspot.com/ (faris)
he can keep pets in his blog and has a clock too and more...

best background song in a blog/MSN spaces:
http://mysongsunsung.blogspot.com/ (siti hamidah)
nice songs she has.....

best new blog/MSN spaces:
http://artexpressionuncovered.blogspot.com/ (azhar)
i'm the newcomer here...don't u ppl agree my blog is done with lots of hard work...

most arty blog/MSN spaces:
http://clubdaapunkout.blogspot.com/ (jasmine)
she luvs art..thats why...

the 'dead ' blog/MSN spaes:
http://eternalconflictus.blogspot.com/ (sammy)
so long never update....haiz...

TOP winners:
1) Janna Marican (2 awards)
2) Siti Hamidah (2 awards)
3) Faris (2 awards)

to comment/tag based on this post...write (name)<3>.....eg...azhar<3>:..

NEXT: the chart about 7 things that azhar.....

2006-06-26T16:10:00.000+08:00

4th post:

7 facts about me:
- treasures frens...
- luvs hockey/floorball...dance too
- had a dark skin because of 2 yrs in swimming...
- quite impatient
- temperamental when sick
- dun like messy rooms..
- dun like to show the whole world my manhood...not ego..keep it inside..

7 things that scare me to the max:
- losing my family members...
- watching gays..they are disgusting!
- having a rare disease...
- cockroaches who luv to fly at my body...
- shocking ghost scenes....too much stunning graphics.....
- house burned down
- being backstabbed

7 things i adore:
- my pet fish hu died abt a yr ago...i took care of him for abt 3yrs..the longest in my huge family...
- my Quran....every day i kiss it...
- my wallet...
- my keys....can't leave without it...
- my house...such a simple house....
- cute young kids..talkative ones especially..
- one lovely girl...

7 things i say most:
- idiot..
- ape lah...(wad?)
- nak aper?...(wad u want?)
- shut up....
- ahahhaah....
- sorry eh...
- fine...

7 songs i like(random order):
- you and me
- beautiful
- collide
- temperature
- meant to live
- biarlah rahsia
- like we never loved at all

if u wish to tag..or comment anything based on this post..type ur name<4>...eg. azhar<4>: ...

All written by,
Azhar

2006-06-23T17:11:00.000+08:00

Dear frens,
azhar is celebrating his blog 1 mth old birthdae...
it would be on the 26 May 2006...
expect a lot of exciting facts and things which includes:
- the blog/msn awards....(blogs/msn spaces that azhar like or dislike, the most controversial blog,etc..)

- a chart about 7 things that azhar likes, say most, adore, scared of, etc

- a brand new song
written by,
azhar

2006-06-20T19:12:00.000+08:00

dear frens,

i juz finish playing soccer with my frens...it has been 6 mths since i touched a ball ever since i move house..we were playing agaist ourselves before going against a bunch of serangoon guys...to be frank with u, they are not as good as my frens in my neighbourhood...i miss my neighbours...some schooling at bartley sec, yuying sec and others....we alwayz play soccer together....sometimes my primary school also play together..frens frm loyang sec, compassvale sec, and bedok sec....they are much better...

but i ahd a great time watching saran and frens battling against them in the soccer game..the serangoon guyz are so funny..they like to scold each other ...scold vulgar at each other esp...i will never forget one of the serangoonians who actually called his fren, most probably a girl,ONLY to ask her,"am i handsome?"..i and saran who were resting were laughing to the max! ahaha....funny people...i didn't play much because my barefoot skin actually PEEL OFF and it hurts..it is starting t heal..and i dun wan the wound to TEAR again....so i didn't play as well as i rest a lot...

before all this, i actually tried basketball with aloysius and rasyid...ahaha..i can play basketball....i can play anything..yeah...the sports i have played are: swimming, badminton, softball, soccer, floorball and hockey..my favourite is hockey or floorball..i have won a hockey tournament once and nearly went into my cousin's floorball team..but i have other commitments...too busy to go training..so sad..my true passion and talent wasted...i juz have to go to a poly or jc which offers this sport...

NOW, i'm enjoying dance...i can't believe it!..i have never dance before..not even once...and here i am...a pioneer modern dancer with my fabulous frens...i am so bonded with the dancers that i am missing dance! i am missing dance! can u believe it?! dance have given me a way to express myself...i have develop into a more disciplined person thru dance....it also teach me to be proffesional and humble....thank Allah s.w.t. for giving me this opportunity....what a coincidence!

in the next post, i'll rank the best blogs or msn spaces that i've read in different categories...there's the 'best blog' catogery and 'most controversial blog' category and MANY more...so catch it out!

written by,
Azhar

2006-06-18T15:15:00.000+08:00

dear frens,

i juz woke up frm a 3 hrs sleep..before that i just came back frm the changi airport...it has been abt 4 yrs seince i stepped into the airport..well, i followed my dad to pick my grandma and granddad up..they juz came back frm umrah...umrah is where muslims go holiday at muslim holy places...well i arrived 45 min before arrival...when i arrived, they a lot of indians waiting for their frens and families..back frm india i guess...meanwhile, while waiting, i decided to eat at the canteen..i ate nasi lemak..not nice!

i prefer rivervale mall nasi lemak..the malay stall..jannah marican shld agree with me..eheh...so at 9.07 am..they arrived....my auntie was with me too...with my cousins, kak oji and kak manja....my gosh they are pretty...i wish i had a camera and show u ppl their looks..my family have weird names..oji, manja, air(malay pronun.) and me, ar-ar......and lots more....as usual my grandma cried and she kissed me...so emo....after that i hlp carry put the bags in the car...such heavy bags!..but i'm fit...

well i onli had 3 hrs sleep todae...i stayed up until 5am yesterday night...i watched italy play against usa..the game was spoilt by the referree..3 red cards!..wth.....but taly still drew..i seriously hope they go to the next round...

my grandma bought me this clothe from madinah i tink......it is the clothe worn by most imam( muslim leaders)..i wore it and my mum told me i really look like an imam..lol...well..i have no intention to be an imam..ahahah..i wanna do sth else..business is cool...

written by,
azhar

2006-06-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

even the strongest girl WILL be fooled by a guy's sweet talk....

first thing first these are the things i dun like to a couple do:
1) kissing 'live' in the bus and making the "ah..ah''' sound....
i mean dun they feel anything doing it in front of everyone in bus...and i have seen once one serangoon sec girl kissing a guy in the bus making the "ah..ah" sound! one passenger even ask them to shut up! and guess wad?! they are malays! malay girlz(to my female malay frens..forgive me..i'm stereotyping a little) that i've seen are so freaking daring! chinese girlz do it privately, malay girlz do it publicly and noisily! stupid idiots! shameless sluts! next time have sex in the bus! i'll pay $2 for the free show! ahahahah...idiots!

2) girlz wearing OVERLY-exposing clothes...
honestly speaking, if i go out with a girl, i would never ask her to wear baring clothes like mini skirt or etc...juz wear normally lah! a few mths ago..i was walking on the pavement...i saw again a malay couple....this malay girl was wearing ok..however i noticed her boyfren keeps touching her back..and so after i pass the couple...onli then do i know why?! behind was totally exposed! i dunno wad kind of cothes she wore...but i know she didn'e wear a bra..and worst! i believe theonli think that hold the clothe to her body is a tied ribbon..they is a string or sth at the back for her to tie...imagine someone untie it! to the girl it would be embarrassing but to the guy and many other guy including me...it would be wonders! i am not lying ...like wad mdm lina said..99% of wad guyz think is sex....so true...but most guyz, including me, have strong religion and they know wad's right and wad's wrong...no pornography,etc..the others too bad...pre-marital sex all the way...

there are more....but two shld be enough...

i alwayz stress that relationships are NEVER wrong...it's fine in my opinion..BUT the reason why our parentz dun wan us to be in any relationship is because of STUDIES, AFRAID THAT THEIR CHILD MIGHT TRY WILD THINGS...i hope u know wad i mean...girlz out there be careful of guyz who pretend to luv..in reality they only wan ur lips and body....it's not their fault..once again 99% of wad we guyz think are girlz....but as girlz be strong..kick the guyz hu dare to destroy u or wad malay say "menghancurkan maruah diri"...and after they get wad they wan they go to another girl..the FACT is the guy have PLAN B...u know wad i mean.....

HOWEVER, this grp of guyz are onli the minority...the rest understand girlz feelings and really luvs u...again..they KNOW wad's right and wad's wrong....this grp of guyz will hold ur hand..will hug u and kiss u(not noisily in the bus..eheheh)....BUT by right all this are NOT ALLOWED in terms of religion...that's why it's a gd thing to have a relationship in the twenties..so that the couple can hang on until marriage..further more...u can collect money and have a good family...

the minority of the guyz in the world will continue to get wad they wan...and how do they do it?
SWEET TALK....i have to agree with them that MELTING A WEAKLING'S HEART IS AS EASY AS ABC....so on behalf of everyone.....dun fall pray to those hiperseksual beasts...be strong and say 'no'....

i juz can't imagine if all the girls out there, including my chosen one, is no longer a virgin....

written by,
Azhar

2006-06-13T19:12:00.000+08:00

Dear frens,

12 June was the most unluckiest day in this week...well this is wad happened...

my lovely mum told me she wanted to eat the new pepper drumlets from McDonalds....and so i went there with my own extra money in case i dun have enough cash to pay for everything which includes filet-o-fish and chicken mcnuggets...the queue was not long....and so this young male malay cashier was serving me.....he asked for my order and i ordered for 4 pc of pepper drumlets(equivalent to 1 box), a filet-o-fish and mcnuggets...

i looked at the cash total and was shocked to see the price of $23.00 on the screen..and so i told him to cancel the mcnuggets...the price was then reduced to $18.00..i felt kind of strange and weird as the price was too high..meanwhile the queue was getting longer...abt 5 minutes later, my food arrived..guess wad?!

he gave 4 boxes of pepper drumlets! no wonder it's so expensive! i wanted to tell him to cancel 3 of them but looking at the queue, i was afraid it would take more time re-packing everything...lucky i had enough cash!..and so i bought everything for $18.00..i wasted abt $12.00 and my mcnuggets(eheh...)! how sad and unlucky... i think he needs to clean his ears.....4 pieces not 4 boxes of pepper drumlets!

then i went home..and told my mum the story....she was shocked and asked me why i didn't ask him to cancel some of the order..i told her no time...aniwae it's my money....so no worry i told her...after that, i ate 2 boxes..the new pepper drumlets is so delicious! not like the new KFC spicy chicken...i've tried it bfore..not spicy at all! my mum ate one box and shared the filet-o-fish with my father...my father could not eat chicken..dun ask me why...i dunno...but i heard he pities chicken..how strange! the other box left was kept for the next day...

13 June at 3.00am i watched italy battle against ghana...italy won! italy 2 ghana 0..so it was worth it staying up till 5 am...italy rocks!

remember my nick....even the strongest girl WILL be fooled by a guy's sweet talk...in the next post i'll prove why....i'm among only the remaining guyz(i believe the majority..) who understand girls' feelings and not juz to have a relationship to kiss and have a lot of intimacy with her(the minority..) and then after that break-up...well..girlz are not collectibles.....so catch out my next post! ....and plz tag to comment anything....

Written by,
Azhar

2006-06-10T21:58:00.000+08:00

Dear frens,

10 June might very well be the most challenging day of the year....well...
first, i was struggling to do my AM papers...
i was doing papers from other schools which my teacher gave me...
little did i know that i have forgotten a lot of things!
i was so stressed up and so furious...
lucky i was patient enough and took a rest...
and i managed to do about 4 more questions after that...
then half an hour later i decided to do the part 2 of the AM paper...
guess what?
freaking difficult!
i dunno wad i'm supposed to do...
but as usual...
i have plan B...
i arranged someone to teach me...pheww....

well the misery doesn't stop there...
about an hour later...
my mum had to visit my relative at SGH..
she had some uterus problem...
i dunno wad....
so i was alone with my bro...
and then...
i found out that my bro had peed on the sofa...
i was shocked...
so i carried the 90+kg human being up...
i cleaned up the sofa..
i cleaned up the floor in case...
i changed his clothes...
and washed the dirty ones....
i was so tired...
i thought of doing some revision as planned..
but my tiredness proved to be too much for me...
i was exhausted and i lost my study focus...
now i know how my mum feel when my bro creates problems...
she do not like me to carry him because i was still young, she said..
i have a long road ahead...
my mum is a great person like any other mums...
but she is the most patient and persevered mum i have ever known...

i am now watching england vs paraguay..
i dun like this guy name peter crouch..
my mum say he has yellow teeth..muahahah...
i luv italy...
italy will win the world cup this year..
england are just posers..ehehehe
italia!

the song is something i am writing...
meaningful..
thru experience...

written by,
azhar

2006-06-06T17:36:00.000+08:00

continued from MSN Spaces....
click here to view msn space: http://spaces.msn.com/piece123/

it rings....
u called me...
u called me finally...
that voice of yours...
i fix my gaze at the scenery out of the window again....
it was a sunny day...
a very bright day...
the leaves turned green...
not the dark leaves that i saw a moment ago...
it was also warm...
coldness has retired...
i then realised that i was in another world just now...
a world of loneliness...
a world of darkness...
a world without u....
call me everyday...
cause hearing your voice gives me warmth...
hearing your voice fills my life with brightness....
your call means a lot to me...

written by,
Azhar

azhar to fren
u've made the right decision my fren...

2006-06-03T13:39:00.000+08:00

hey frens...

i'm writin' a song for my fren...

well..

i'm juz waitin' for him to finish composin' the song...

i'm so into the son'..

finally the world will hear my imagination...

my songs are gonna be like the songs frm nirvana...

the songs are confusin'...

but there's a story behind it...

i will provide the lyrics alongside my other fren...

my other fren is good at luv stuff...

he will make the song more jiwang(emo)...

i'm workin' very hard for my 'O' levels...

my only hope now is i dun fall sick...

i hope i will be consistent....

i aim an L1 R5 of 14 for prelims...

and 11(or below) for the 'O' levels...

i hope my frens do well too...

i treasure and care for my frens so much...

i hope they study hard too...

nothin' comes easy....

i'm so happy and relieved to see the junior modern dancers...

their attitude have changed...

they are now more into dance...

although they are slow...

but they show willingness to dance...

mr tan is doin' a great job teachin' them too...

dance fund is improvin' too..

looks like a farewell party is most likely gonna happen...

ms juriah is gonna get wad she wishes for...

thank all modern dancers for their cooperation...

after 'O' levels i'm gonna move to malaysia...

i dunno when i'm gonna be back...

i'm stayin' with my aunt...

maybe for a week...

or maybe one full mth...

i juz wan to be out of singapore...

and be a farmer for a week....

i dunno if my father is rally gonna carry out this travel plan though...

juz wait and see....

(song by nirvana-heart-shaped box)...

close ur eyes and listen to the lyrics...

it's confusin'...

a dictionary is helpful..eheheh

that's all,

Azhar

2006-05-30T12:31:00.000+08:00

inspired by a true story...
written and expressed by azhar...
say the expression aloud...
to uncover the story..

please dun leave me...
i still luv u...
i trully luv u...
please dun do this to me...
please!
i beg u!
dun let go of ur hand!
that hand of ours..
that lips of ours...
that heart of urs...
i will miss it...
i will alwayz u...
i need ur luv...
i need it now...
now please my dear...
i dunno wad i've done...
i miss ur warmth...
miss ur smell...
ur seductive smile....
please!
come back!
my heart is screaming!

ur name is carved into it...

only urs...
come back my dear!
please!
no...
dun do this to me...
i've never hurt ur feelings..
but why do u...
it is wrong..
is it wrong to make a mistake...
tell me!
tell me now!
who do u think u are!
i met u in a wonderful place...
i brought u to many wonderful places...
i treat u to many wonderful things...
but u give me a wonderful reason...
a reason to break up with me...
i am heartbroken...
perhaps worse than that..
much much worse...
i ain't angry...
i ain't sad...
i'm juz dissapointed...

i've done everythin' for u...

everythin' and anythin'..

i remember the time..

the time when i confessed my luv to u...

but everythin' has ended...

ended forever...
but dear..
i will alwayz luv u...

i will alwayz do...

promise...

azhar
there are better girls out there my fren...
trust me..
there are...

2006-05-25T19:05:00.000+08:00

this art of expression..
was inspired by a true story...
there's a story behind it...
say the poem aloud....
to uncover the untold story...

u lied to me..
and u made it so simple....
u told me u will fill my life with lots of love and joy...
u told me u would do anythin' for me....
u told me u are gonna buy for me the greatest birthday present any kid would have wanted...
u promised me u will buy for me the most expensive clothes i would ever have ...
u promised me u will take me to the most beautiful place in the planet...
u swore that u will pick me up when i fall...
u swore that u will take care of me more than anyone else....
u said that i'm the best kid in the world.....
u said that u love to see me smile....
u said that ur very proud of me....
u uttered that we are one big family...
u uttered that nothing can break us apart....
u voiced that u will give me full freedom...
u voiced that u will never hurt my feelings...
u told me again that u will never leave me alone...
u told me again that u will never make me sad....
u told me again that u will always be with me....
u lied to me...
u lied to me dad......
u lied....
u left me alone now...
u left me forever...
but why dad?
u have told me...
u have promised me...
u have sworn...
u have said to me...
u have uttered to me...
u have voiced to me...
and u told me again...
now it's my turn to say...
please come back dad...
do not leave me alone...
do not leave me forever...
please dad...
i beg you...
before i leave mum forever now...
this is not a lie...

azhar

thank u fren for sharin' ur stories and feelings with me....
i trully appreciate it...
u have given me the inspiration...
thnx a lot...
be strong my fren...
be strong alwayz...

azhar90

2006-05-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

dear frens,
i've shared with u my very own poems...
now...
azhar brings u to his imagination...
original...

azhar:
help me...
they are betrayin' me....
help me...
they are dyin'...
help me...
they are leavin' me...
help me...
they are forgettin' me...
help me...
they are hurtin' me...
help me....
they are humiliatin' me...
help me...
they are disturbin' me...
help me....
they are pushin' me..
help me...
they are torturin' me...
help me...
they are laughin' at me....
help me....
they are stampin' at me....
help me...
they are throwin' me away...
help me...
they are punishin' me...
help me...
they are slicin' me...
help me....
i'm bleedin'...
help me...
i'm dyin'....
help me....
i'm losin' life....
help me..
this is my last breath...
help me...
i'm drownin'...
help me...
now!
help me..
fast!

a fren:
i'll die with u....

another fren:
take my hand..

last fren:
i'll call for help....

which fren do u want?
close ur eyes and imagine...

azhar2

2006-05-10T14:49:00.000+08:00

U are different frm the rest....
Being with u changed me....
i'm now more happy and excited at home...
that's wad my mum say....
i dunno why....
although i dun see u quite often...
but u juz keep appearin' in my mind..
in my heart..
making me smile alwayz...
ur a sweet girl...
the girl-next-door..
yes..
that's the word...
a girl-next-door is a normal girl who knows how to make people happy...
how to tickle people...
like wad u did....
i dun care if ur not a star or if u aren't rich or anythin'....
it's juz that u are the one for me...
it's hard to explain....
i feel like jumpin' right now...
i'm so happy....
so happy of wad u juz said...
i can't believe it...
i have done it....
only to u...
u know who....
ur my inspiration...
and u shall alwayz be.....
u....

Brother

2006-03-01T19:29:00.000+08:00

CONFFESIONS OF AZHAR....

My Beloved Brother

hi frens,

Love,

Azhar

azhar's confessions are...
	Meaningful
	Useless
	Creative
	Touching
	Controversial
	Hard to understand

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